I don’t use ground rules in mediation, and I never have. In my mediation coaching and skills training, I watch what happens when someone is reminded of the rules: they shut down and start saying the right thing instead of the true thing. Here’s what I do instead, from an opening that asks people to listen to understand, to stopping and summarizing when it gets heated, plus the research on what suppressing emotion costs people at the table.

If your family is struggling with decisions about an aging parent's care, medical treatment, or end-of-life wishes, I want to start with the thing I say to families in my mediation practice all the time: you are not alone, and neither is your family. This is not an easy season, and there is a lot to navigate at once. And while this is not the conversation any of us wants to be having, it is one of the most important conversations you can have.