People in conflict tend to argue about what happened or didn’t happen. Who said what, who did what, who started it, who was right and who was wrong. That is almost never what the conflict is about. Underneath the argument, four things are running at once. Emotions that are hard to see and harder to name. Values that feel non-negotiable. Interests buried under stated positions. Needs that go unspoken because they are the hardest thing to say out loud.

Labels have always terrified me. Not the words themselves, but what comes with them: the fear of being mis-seen. Of having someone look at me and see the label instead of me. Of being reduced to a word I never fully agreed to.