Overwhelmed by Gratitude

It's a very exciting time right now, in the world of Kim Best and Best Conflict Solutions. As I sit here surrounded by proof sheets for my second card deck, Best Conflict Conversation Cards: Healthcare Edition, I also have rebranding materials scattered across my desk and some major renovations going on in my home. I have a to-do list that seems to multiply while I sleep, yet now, sitting among the changes, I suddenly stopped cold.

Sign that says Thank you to show gratitude

Not to rest (though that would be nice), but to thank. It hit me like a physical blow how fortunate I am to have the people in my life who are encouraging, generous with their knowledge, honest in their critique, support without judgement, and who are just full of wisdom.

Most mediators are solopreneurs. I think we're all keenly aware that we only know what we know, which tends to leave a bit of a hole where some great feedback is missing. I'm not alone when I say how much we value the opportunity for camaraderie and insights when we have time together. My counselor just said, "Growth, getting stronger is hard. I wish that wasn't the case, but it is." To which I replied, "You mean you can't grow by just eating bon-bons?" Wrong kind of grow but unfortunately being stretched is not easy. It sure is easier when we're not alone.

I want to start with the two people who are neck deep in the changes with me now. First, I want to thank Leigh Williams of Amaranth Designs https://www.amaranthdesignsllc.com. I met Leigh quite by accident when TN SHRM asked her to help me with something for advertising. The very next day I called her with an idea. I said that I wanted to create Best Conflict Conversation Cards: Workplace Edition and although I had the content, I did not have a clue how to design them, lay them out, or even get them to become a reality. And oh, by the way, I needed 250 sets in two weeks for the TN SHRM conference. Guess what? She did it! We did it! The cards are beautiful (all Leigh) and she saw them through all the way to the newly revised version and printing. She is currently revising my logo, while also finishing the layout of the revised deck.

I would also like to thank Murphy Funkhouser. Murphy http://www.brandstageconsulting.com/ is a well-known brander and marketer in the ABA Section of Dispute Resolution. I've been a fan for years plus we're secretly related because our kids went to the same college at the same time, majoring in the same discipline. I now had cards to sell that are cool, helpful, easy to use and that I believe in. I have no idea how to market them. Murphy is brilliant at her job and so good at reframing, the mediator in me constantly learns from her. Example: Me: "I feel stuck." Murphy: "Let me reframe that. You're not stuck. You've leveled up and now you need a new skillset." She's 100% right.

I don't know how to write this so that you know that this is exactly like it happened, so I'm just going to have to ask you to believe me. After sitting a moment truly overwhelmed with gratitude for Leigh and Murphy and for the space I was sitting in, it's like for the first time in my life I could see a path from where I'd been to where I am and so many people who helped shone on that path like gold. A line of everyday heroes - gifts, from here to the point back 15 years ago where this part of my journey began. Fifteen years ago, following a horrible divorce after 20 years of marriage—a divorce that changed my family forever; a moment in time that I would take another step by reminding myself of the words of Winston Churchill, "If you're going through hell, keep going."

I kept going, determined to help people have a better alternative to conflict than what my family went through.

There are so many people who modeled, who held my hand, who opened doors, who nudged, who saw. I could never name them all. I have to thank the ones who are still here every day, though. Let me tell you about some of these golden people who still light my path today.

My dear friend and muse, spiritual guru and someone with whom I've shared parts of me that almost no one knows – Zena Zumeta. My dear friend Laurel Stevenson, who is gentle and fierce and one of the bravest, most ethical people I've ever met. Laurel introduced me to Missouri before I got here, so I came without feeling like a stranger. Susan Guthrie, who really is a one-of-a-kind human. She models authenticity and generosity and honest kindness. She has opened opportunities for me that I would not have dreamed of and she's great for a laugh. I'd like to thank Ken Cloke, of course. What can I say about Ken that hasn't already been said? I still want to be like him, when I grow up. Among so many other things, he taught me the power of yes and of miracles, of holding sacred spaces and asking tough questions. And a personal thanks to Margaret, my counselor all of this time. She taught me that love is love not because of what we do or don't do, but because it is the thing that will make us believe when nothing else does. It is the most powerful tool we have.

And to my mediator friends and colleagues who answer panicked texts about difficult cases, who share your wisdom freely, who remind me why this work matters when I'm discouraged, who celebrate the wins and commiserate over the challenges: you've created a professional family and your selflessness and passion have been an inspiration. In a field where we often work alone, you've made sure none of us truly are.

Thanking the Teachers We Didn't Choose

Here's what I've finally realized: our greatest teachers aren't always our favorite people or our best moments. Sometimes growth comes disguised as disappointment, betrayal, closed doors, hard criticisms. Or as I say, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince or princess.

I'm not suggesting we send thank-you notes to everyone who's frustrated us. But I am suggesting we acknowledge—even privately—the growth that came from those challenging interactions. As I tell my clients: conflict isn't the problem; it's data. And some of that data has been invaluable.

I'm pretty sure I learned a lot about who I didn't want to be before I figured out who I really am. I learned a lot about what doesn't work, in finding what does. I'm not sure if that's backwards, but it certainly has been one way of learning.

I've learned that if you're going to be an entrepreneur, you're not going to live much in a comfort zone. Yet you'll get a view of life that's astounding. You'll witness opportunity, gift, grit, kindness, wisdom, excellence, compassion, connection, sweat, and motivation. You'll see these qualities making changes in so many people's lives. How could I not be grateful? I get to witness all of that and it's astounding.

Growing Pains

I'll be honest: this rebranding journey, launching new products, expanding my practice—it's been uncomfortable. Now that I reflect, there have been few, if any, moments of "I've got this under control" since I started Best Conflict Solutions. There are moments I long for sameness and the ability to clock in and out of my shift for a 40-hour work week. It has definitely been an adventure though, and for that I am grateful.

Here's what I'm also learning to be grateful for: the stretch itself.

Not everyone is willing to be uncomfortable in service of growth. That’s OK. Not everyone says yes to opportunities that feel too big. That’s OK, too.  Yet I know so many people who keep learning, keep pushing, keep trying, and keep believing that their work can create wider ripples of positive change.  We are in the business of planting seeds.  Because of the work by so many before me, I am so very grateful that I get to share what I've learned so that maybe others' paths might be easier. Much like those golden people on my own path did for me.

If you're in your own season of stretching—feeling that uncomfortable pull between who you've been and who you're becoming—that discomfort is evidence of your courage. It deserves gratitude too.

The Ripple Effect of Recognition

In my mediation practice, I've seen how a single moment of genuine recognition can shift an entire relationship dynamic. When we truly see and acknowledge someone's contribution, we don't just make them feel good—we strengthen the invisible threads that connect us. We remind them (and ourselves) that we're not navigating this complex world alone.

So before you return to your full inbox, your long task list, your own stretching goals—take a moment. Who forms the invisible architecture of your life?

Consider thanking that person whose consistent presence has become background music to your life—their reliability is a choice they make every day. Or the accidental teacher whose challenge or criticism ultimately made you stronger. You don't have to thank them directly but acknowledge the growth they sparked.

What about the stranger-mentor? The podcast host whose words shift your perspective weekly. The author whose book sits dog-eared on your nightstand. The LinkedIn connection whose posts consistently inspire your thinking. I bet they would love your "thank-you." It's been my observation that passion and service drive many people, yet few know the impact they have.

And yes, consider thanking your stretching self—the part of you that says yes to growth even when it's uncomfortable, that keeps learning when you're tired, that believes your work matters even when evidence feels thin.

As I prepare to send this newsletter to you, my clients, colleagues, and community who shows up to read my thoughts, who engages with my work, who trusts me with your conflicts and challenges—I want you to know: I see you. I'm grateful for you. I never, ever take you for granted. I am awed to be on this journey with you. You're part of the invisible architecture that makes this work possible and meaningful.

Who Will You Thank Today?

Don't wait for the perfect words. A simple "I was thinking about how much you've contributed to my journey, and I wanted to thank you" is enough.

In fact, it's everything.

What unexpected gratitude are you moved to express today? I'd love to hear about the invisible supporters in your life. Reply and share—your story might inspire someone else to recognize their own overlooked architects of growth.

With gratitude for this journey we're on together,

Kim

A brief PS: I am more grateful than I can say for my family and for my friends outside of the professional arena, but I’m going to save that conversation for another day.